Divorcing When Parents Have Children With Special Needs
By Mara Berke and Carol Hirshfield, PhD | Southern California Mediation Association | July 2015
Divorcing parents who have children with special needs often have many pressing and complex parenting issues to consider that may not be best addressed by the expensive and slow adversarial court system. This article will give the reader a brief overview of the issues that may arise for families with special needs children, and some options that parents of special needs children should strongly consider for divorce.
How do children with “Special needs” get a diagnosis and have decisions made for them?
Parents, teachers or a pediatrician may notice there is something about the child that is different from other children. The first step in this often daunting for parents: do they agree to obtain a diagnosis and/or which professional(s) will perform the assessment? Do they agree that the child needs extra services? Since most professional screenings require both parents to authorize testing, this may be the first obstacle.
Once the parents agree to get a diagnosis, they may need to take their children to see a physician with a specialty, or a developmental pediatrician, a psychologist, neuropsychologist, psychiatrist, or other therapeutic specialists. Parents may be able to get help at their local public school. At the local public school, parents may request assessments to be provided by the school and initiate the Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) or a Section 504 Plan. (See www.disabilityrightsca.org publication, Special Education Rights and Responsibilities (SERR) Manual Revised & Updated September 2011, for more information.)
The parent’s emotional response to the new diagnosis may be more difficult in a divorce: each parent will need to address the children’s issues and work with the co- parent to take care of the children’s needs. In the most challenging situations, sometimes a parent may be in denial and not want to follow the recommended treatment.
Parents will need to attend meetings at school and work towards agreement with the assessments, eligibility, goals, services and school options offered by the school district. Further post-separation complications regarding the school choice may occur if the parents move to different school districts, and they do not agree on the home school.
Parents may feel overwhelmed by managing their children’s special needs and the parenting decisions that must be made: will the children need medication or special therapies? Their parenting is even more complicated because of their divorce or separation. Parents also have to navigate sharing time with their children by establishing a custody schedule. What schedule is best given the children’s personality and adjustment to transitions, parent’s work schedules and wishes? If the children have in home treatment, how will parents navigate establishing new routines and coordinating the services in place or obtain new services to accommodate their families changing needs?
